Assalamu alaikum I hope this didn’t hurt someone feelings. Many a sister lives her life with a man she never loved but he never knew it. You said “No one should be forced……..”. Should I buy a sex toy? Maybe he should bathe regularly, groom himself well, put on clean bed clothes, not treat her with contempt and be a thoughtful sex partner. Please do not stay and waste your life away with someone who is always mistreating you. The difference is of course in the idea that what we do is more for the sake of Allah Ta’aalaa than for ourselves. Surely if you love your wife you “do not do that.” Does their feelings don’t count anymore? Although I have watched horrible videos in the past, I try not to anymore. and would you say my husband still qualifies for the above? Yes, slave. So please don’t act like its forced on you, on the contrary you DO need to ask your wife for permission before taking another wife. A divorced woman whose ex-husband was claiming custody of their child went to Prophet Muhammad, may the mercy and blessings of God be upon him, and said, “My womb was a vessel for this son of mine, and my breasts gave him to drink, and my lap was a refuge for him, but his father has divorced me and he wants to take him away from me. . according to islam wat is the solution for this? jazakallahu khayr. I’d understand if it were for a woman’s survival purposes but never for pleasure. I have no idea how all this happened but it happened and believe me it wasnt easy for me. I am American, a Native American or referred to as a Red Indian in countries such as India. Sex when he wants even if the woman doesnt?? I have nothing in life and have reached my breaking point. My husband doesn't care about me; he doesn't give me anything since we get married. go on youtube and look for a video call things woman should know about man. Sister, I would be careful about saying that multiple marriages disgust you. Can someone please help me! honestly if he just cant, he cant. Jim says: May 25, 2017 at 3:17 am. You said it !! And Every year we goes to our home country and from there he will go to international trip with his friends he don’t want me to come with him it is not because during jihad that marriage more than one is permitted in islam . I TOO WAS NOT FEELING THAT AT ALL BUT UPON FARTHER STUDING AND PRACTICING AL- ISLAM FOLLOWING THE QURAN WE HAVE TO ACCEPT THIS PONIT BLANK, excellent article for the wives of all married men, and true…, This is a good advise for sisters in Islam and also teaches brothers little on how to treat their wife in a right way, Assalaam all Leila also has two sons — the oldest will soon be 14. Allah knows best! my husband love me lot of. He never read Esha namaaz that night, because he never woke up. According to Islam providing for the expenses of the family, including the expenses of his spouse, is a husband’s duty. Pathetic. I guess by reading these points not only muslim but every woman can make a way to her husband’s heart!! Women crave respect and most definitly deserve it, communicating with your wife is a form of respect. Qur’an permits limited polygyny As I mentioned earlier, Qur’an is the only religious book on the face of the earth that says ‘marry only one’. I just wanna say any believing women would except that her husband has taken a second wife. tattoo. Wanted husband to listen to a podcast (Dr. Dobson’s Family Talk), he didn’t respond to me, I asked him what he wanted from this marriage, he said he didn’t know… Felt those angry, hopeless feelings… Googled “spouse doesn’t care about marriage”, found your website, this article gave me the insight I needed. But you're not a mule, you are a human being! This idea is put forward in the Quran where Allah says: But if a sister insists on certain conditions in her own ahd nikah (marriage contract) she is being selfish. Bukhari and Muslim. I am not certain were in the world you are situated but living in the west and all of the Sexual propaganda that we are bombarded with is a great fitna. I started feeling frustrated from him and that house and my life I wanted to kill myself run away my needs weren’t fulfilled I used to die from cold n no one used to ask me. but maybe you need to coax the poor little guy back into life, remember that little number he used to drive you crazy about all those years ago. The fact that he doesn’t want me really hurts me, I feel so unwanted and I feel disrespected too because I always gave him the priority in return I’m just the option. we believe in the whole of the book and accept Allah swts rule even if we cant fully understand it because He knows us better than we know ourselves. that’s another thing his wife is age 25 and me 46. My guess is that they moved on to another town. Is this wrong of me to want a deeper connection and attraction? “My Husband doesn’t take responsibility for his behavior.” Ever. Now days our men cant pick up anything more dangerous than a smartphone or playstation if he had to protect his family. Chapter 4, Verse 34. WELL, great job done there. Found inside – Page 180one of them does not like , the usual explanation given is a misunderstanding or ignorance of true Islam . Lack of understanding and ignorance ( jahilci ) about Islam was brought up again and again in my interviews with CARE employees . You should not even be looking at other woman mate! because the husband might demand sex and the wife would be refusing it due to her fasting. You never know a person’s situation until you are in it. He did it with a good heart, so keep ur shirts on if it happens to be wat u dnt wanna hear. Get a islamic advisor involved and then take it from I feel alone he was my best friend now we are just living together it breaks my heart because I love him and I wanted to have that beautiful life with him. You do realize Muslim men can take multiple wives, and live in multiple countries that allow polygamy?. the second wife got baby. Any true Muslim woman that follows the Quran and not her husbands ‘list of expectations’ would know how to treat her husband, a stupid list like this is not even necessary. So brothers and sisters before talking about the chances of your husband or yourself getting married again we need to fix and improve our current marriages. No one is worth that much that you should ruin your happiness over. Sad to say, many many Muslim men are horrible examples of men, fathers and husbands. He told me the coworker was jealous because I liked him. Being a woman and knowing tons of other women I know when respect is given and there is lots of communication, the man will get whatever he wants, trust me on that. So let's sum it all up: your husband is abusive, sees you as worthless, doesn't listen to you or wants to have anything to do with you, he doesn't care about any feeling you might have, he looks at porn, he is flirting with other women AND he takes your money. Please forgive me for the delay. He said I'm always with the Internet and ignore him. And Allah Knows Best. He should value you and respect you as an equal to the rest of your family, you have rights, you are his companion and the mother of his children ! Now coming to the original question, why is a man allowed to have more than one wife? If she is telling you otherwise its bcuz she thinks thia is the best she can hope for with u and ur marriage is in big trouble. It is far easier for man to get back in mood for sex than a women. If you can’t except that get ready to be disappointed. You can’t know this because no one knows what’s in the mind of every man. !DO I HAVE TO TELL HIM LIES THAT I MAKE SOMETHING WRONG TO HIM TO BELEVE ME ONLY?????? My husband doesn’t have depression. Found inside – Page 141(salma 2001) however, despite her husband's refusal to engage with services, salma expresses her own agency when things ... the unreliable support she was getting from care services: they gave us a helper to take me to the appointments. Now I know that has been a problem for him. i wasnt muslim and i read Quran and a lot of things about that. It’s important that Muslim women understand the value of respect for men, especially Muslim men. Only his mother and sisters. Why is a man allowed to marry more than one wife in Islam? He doesn’t know what it feels like to have your child smile at you and feel nothing. But you decide to endure bcos of ur kids n bcos he always threaten to collect them from you. Your sister (I'm presuming) loves her husband, and he is probably not going anywhere, any time soon. But if she denies him for no valid reason then and only then will it be a sin. Your husband either can’t see this or doesn’t care enough to do something about it. Soon all went to waste and we started losing everything one by one. You need to make taubah and try to learn more. Reality, not being idealistic. I am sure it is in the context that husbands should try to coax their wives, instead of saying ‘let’s go”. Please keep the following hadith in mind: Wallahu a’lam. wife). Wife must keep her husband attracted to her, and must maintain this attraction, and must support her husband, so that his burdens are lessened, and the natural pull on men towards other women is reduced/balanced. Those were my words to my husband a few years ago when he mentioned to me that he is intending to marry again a second time. Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah. There is no hadith which states that the husband must ask his wives premssion. When your husband doesn't care about your feelings, what it means is that he doesn't love you as before or even a little bit anymore. i agree. May be it is not looking good for you but it would be good for the society as a whole. It is up to the couple. My husband never show or say any love words to me. I feel that he is not having any love for me. It all seems so many years ago now. Heartbreaking Signs Your Husband Doesn't Care About You Anymore, 7. The only thing he says is that he works for us and provides for us that's it and I should appreciate that. You need to put it in your marriage contract that you want a second wife. ‘Because men are programmed to think about other women and women should be calm’ and prepare a sandwich for those who preach like this. The sahaba were real men and were fighters and very responsible people. Talking to fiancé…to what extent is it permissible? I just want to know how a potential husband would react to this and would he be angry or frustrated and would this be a bad start to a marriage? The hadith is meant for two people who are married and are being the best husband and wife to one another. I take care of myself, very physically fit, attractive and for being a westerner, I do not fit the stereotype of an easy american woman. Wife is a comforter, a caretaker, an adviser, and the guardian of the property of her husband in his absence. Where are the ahadith for this? When I first noticed our “slump,” he told me he was too busy and tired from work to have sex. I am also 33 alhamdulillah. I'm financially independent, but uspport him in some expenditures. Its like a drug. i am in the same situation with that woman that her husband doesnt feel her .I am only 22 years old i dont have children we are together 2 years and merried 7 months ago.i thought since we will get merried we will staying together and we will have happy life because i was going to take care of him,cook for him,make him tooffee and whatever.BUT Since THE DAY WE MERRIED i BEGGED him to go with me to our house.THE very next day he take me to his sister house,until now we are living with his sister and her babies and her husband .Barely we go home alone.ONE TIME A MONTH for a night only and next day we are again back to his sister.Everytime im telling him i want to go home his is telling not today,just today,today no,today we have problem at work,today i feel sic,i feel pain my back.For One month im like a crazy insane woman who is only shouting and crying alone and watching the babies of his sister from the time i wake up until i go to sleep ALONE at the sofa.Even sex he is pushing me to make to the room to his sister while his family are in the next bedroom.He doesnt care that im telling him i feel uncofortable to make sex to his sister bed/house but he doesnt care att all.I dont have friends,i dont go clubbing,im asking for permission to go with my mother clubbing and this with fighting to let me go. My warning to second wives: He'll dote on your stepdaughters more than you - and it'll drive you wild with jealousy. My Live Signature is a great tool and is very easy to use. dis is remainder to our dear sister, jst vice-vasa may ALLAH c us tru.tanx, InSha Allah. Both of you should make a commitment to solve the problem and to grow. He may come around and get over it, and he may not. I want to know pls how long is permissible for a husband to leave his wife without touching her with no excuse while they are staying together. Ryan Arakaki RyanArakaki.net. Just make sure you know yours before getting involved with someone and be honest and to show your intentions. . Nobody’s perfect.Perhaps your husband isn’t a Muslim scholar. He will most likely never consider a second wife. Turkey is not an Arabic country and it insults many Turks that Turkey is Middle Eastern country. From hubby n my in-laws also. The reason lies in the high rate of female infanticide in India, and the fact that more than one million female foetuses are aborted every year in this country, after they are identified as females. Will Allah forgive me? It just means he’s human.It is very important that you understand this. My name is Michelle Devani, and I've been helping people with their relationships since 2003. Don’t make things harms..where does it say men should ask their wives permission to many another???????? I don’t expect perfection but we are moving in the right direction. He said I could use his insurance but the father had to take care of every thing else. Beta cuck. Things Ur Muslim Wife May Not Tell U. They have been married for 13 years and she even said that she's tried to talk and engage with him many many times yet he doesn't care. Don’t do it, if a man is already thinking of another woman even before marrying you, he obviously can’t be all that in love with you, sorry :(. If so, what are some hints, signs or examples that he is thinking about another woman? I'm at the point where if she doesn't take things seriously soon, I'll want a divorce. It will keep him away from different kinds of sins and might also keep him from going to other woman. Excellent and so so true! If it's good then maybe you could try to engage him and them in family activities or conversations? Anonymous (ID: OzRB8Msd) 10/24/21(Sun)17:21:28 No. Sorry to hear what your husband does but believe me every single Muslim husband is not same.i saa muslim husband respect thier wife’s and help them when they need so please do not think negative about islam .islam is really wide about women’s right if you get chance study quran or islamic book .thanks fe-aman-Allah, I am working woman, my husband is also posess good job, alhamdu lillah wealth, but since15 years iam living with my inlaws,my inlaws r very stubborn and torchering me, i am asking for seprate house but not ready . But when I say the mother doesn't have a right, I don't mean he should kick her out. To those of you brothers who work at trying to be kind, considerate and loving to your wives, may Allah give you an enormous reward. @Paula- So sorry that you have to deal with all this:(. My husband doesn’t care if they go naked. My 3 children and I crowded the house and my sister in law soon became annoyed by our presence. I do not deserve this treatment. Please forgive me for the delay. World female population is more than male population In the USA, women outnumber men by 7.8 million. Yh im a girl and right now i wish i could punch u in your face!!!! Sex hormones are released in the adult body every day. Let’s get this right out into the open.Some women might think men are narrow-minded brutes for this, but it’s the truth.Men desire sex. Ask a lawyer how to divorce and the payment methods and leave this mess alone. I fuck her in her home. A man has to financially emotionally physically and mentally take care of 2 households. I did ask him, dies your wife respect you?” “Is she loyal to you?” “you have 2 kids so sex must not be an issue, so why did you cheat?” He gives me blatant excuse such as wanting to do something different. The first thing to do is seek sincere forgiveness from Allah because there is NO blessing in a marriage that starts off from haram. These pillars are: Belief in Allah; Belief in the angels; Belief in the revealed books; Belief in the commissioned Messengers (peace be upon them). Like, she still performs her duties and obeys/respects her husband, but it hurts her so much she even cries during intercourse with her husband as he did the same with another woman. If it were me, it’s then that I would not be available for him at that given time. no straight order… just few words to tell guys that it is good for them if they are good with their wives…. I would like to adress the author regarding 4th point. Trying to make him jealous is a hopeless attempt. From the first year of our marriage to now, he has been non-caring towards me, not talking to me, and doesn't own me. the holy qur’an declares that Allah subhana allah wa taa’al permits him to take up to four wives as long as he gets all the necessary protocol boxes ticked. The reaction of most of these women show exactly why this article is called ‘7 things your husband won’t tell you’ As a hadith mentions: “The best amongst you are those who are best to their families/wives.” So Islam recommends husbands to be the best to their wives, not only fulfilling the bare minimum of food, cloth and shelter, but to take care of their wives in the best possible manner. Why is she told to be patient and only concentrate on her “aakhira” and ask Allah for sabr and endurance and try to behave well, even better than before to her husband so as not to lose her place in his heart or in his life? Even I agree with it, wat do u hav to say for this….? It was only a couple of centuries ago that the Church restricted the number of wives to one. Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh, I pray this finds you well. His duty is to protect and provide for the family, even if the wife is stronger and wealthier. Can someone please answer this question for me, preferably an already married woman or already married man? Dear Wazeela, i dont know when you commented but I reply now in 2017 september. In Islam, taking care of one's husband has an important position. If we cant get 1 right how can we get 2 or 3 right? Nicely worded brother. We have a lot of differences. He have hurt so much and I alway sad all I think what do I do wrong he cheat on me so much. Teach a man that it doesn't matter who he thinks he is, you have intelligence, you have ambition, you have dreams and you have invaluable qualities that other man would grovel on his knees to have. It is about give and take. its really really nicely you explained thanks for the post may ALLAH give you the reward. I am a married woman and have one child. Your email address will not be published. Islam is about logic and clear thinking. The author of the article should revise that fact about multiple marriages and how it say it should be undertaken only due to dire needs (not because He wants to for fun). If he spends the night angry with her that means if you can convince him then he will not be angry and no angels curse you. But to stop that you need to follow the steps that we have given you. I met a Muslim man three years ago. I may not have it word for word though…. The Law of Allah(swt) is complete in every aspect. I'm Michelle Devani and would like to take this opportunity to welcome you to my site. This article is a joke. Of course, Islam doesn’t recommend to be satisfied on the minimum. Found inside – Page 236It is clear to me that polygamy is not a normal state in Islam. The Prophet does not approve of polygamy.” “But it's allowed.” Aynur spoke for the first time in her own voice. “Definitely allowed.” Fatma said seriously, “I have thought ... We crossed the line into physical intimacy. What should I do to save my future and bring my self esteem and confidence back to myself? One fills in what the other lacks. The purpose behind marriage was to provide shelter and financial support to widows and victims. First bring your husband to defend himself. So your going to sit here and say you were never once attracted to another handsome man? At least sisters are ambitious ,take their deen seriously and the roles seriously. If this evil practice is stopped, then India too will have more females as compared to males. Life was very difficult for me and my children and I wasn’t young anymore. He then proceeded to ask me questions about my mum and dad, my children, my husband, arranged marriage, all the usual questions that one would expect from someone whose only knowledge of Islam to have come from a biased mainstream media and a reckless government. 33:36 Islam opened the door and there are no conditions except like the conditions of any marriage (financial emotional and mental support) with the exception of justice and fairness.. I think the issue nowadays is women are raised with the idea that men are more perfect than they are, and more like women. Look at the way he was with his wives. I do not understand. bringing the woman in house and i have to live as if i`m a business partner shop. Share. Why only wife has to live her whole life with only sabr and pain.of husband’s second marriage? That my way is a little cliche, and sterotypical but none the less, he still loves me. Some points made in this article are good,but that does not justify being sexist!All men think about having another wife? Germany has five million more females as compared to males. Allah subhanawatallah forbade oppression (i`m not pregnant) Does that mean I can demand a sandwich? I cannot say I’m a Muslim but I will not give charity (zakat) It’s not pick and choose. Islam put an upper limit of four wives. Of course sister if a woman wanted to have sex with her husband & intensionally he refuse it. Why should a nice type Muslim sister be patient when her husband is verbally or even physically abusive, emotionally distant, selfish, childish an narcisstic? He could go 3-4 months without sex and even when I make moves, he complains to be tired from work. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO IM TERRIBLY HURT PLEASE HELP ME WITH AN ADVICE ANYONE I LET MY PRIDE ALWAYS FOR HIM BUT NOW I CANT GET OVER THIS OR FORGET THIS. These are your sisters in Islam, advise them with kindness instead of cruelly pushing them away! And the reward in the next life for encouraging your husband to the truth. God bless you. If you do not let your husband have sex with you without a ‘valid’ reason, then your husband will just have to be patient, while you will be cursed by the angels at the same time. My husband and I adopted a beautiful little girl from India after 2 years of paperwork, education, social worker visits, fundraisers, agency fees, and countless prayers... Natalie Welch. It’s ridiculous. This goes hand in hand with respect.There’s nothing that will ruin a marriage quicker than the idea that your spouse is not loyal. Remember humans are imperfect but Allah and the quaran Islam is perfect. In every hadeeth there is meaning and insight to be gained. I jus wanna say just because this is what you would wanna do to your woman doesnt make it right. But there is an entire SURAH! I get so tired of reading articles like this. SoWhat SoWhat. @ sara thinking of you before your husband (will marry or married) you is Haraam? Honestly speaking? Having a big space from you is a relieve to him. The Quran does state that the husband is allowed to take up to four wives but only if he has the means to provide for them. When you show the Signs Your Girlfriend is About to Break Up with You he actually want it to happen. I don’t need any more excuses for inconsiderate behaviour, I have plenty from a lifetime of society-at-large encouraging me to be aggressive and violent. It’s Heroes that create History. nothn. so my advice is follow the advice above and make sure your husband has everything he could ever want from you and so he won;t even look at another woman. An outrage. also i think you should know that. Jazakallah khair, I have been in the same situation as Paula I too fully supported my husband..he controlled passwords to my phone ipad etc. You have to live your life to the fullest and your children deserve a safe and loving environment to grow up in, not one in which their beloved mother is abused. I read that, and I was shocked! Think about it, sooooooo true . Honestly the muslim women today are taking theri commitments way more seriously than the brothers. i`m sleeping alone. i really like this article. So really, #4 about him thinking of other women is not bad, that is his right. Found inside – Page 245Looked at from a religious viewpoint , I think this is the story , and it's worth saying it , since when it's ... These days it's thought that a woman should feel ashamed to be a housewife , when her husband is doing well in society . 10 Tips to Spice up the Relationship of Husband and Wife in Islam 1. I found true love after Nikah with another. I knew he loved me and he truly did but he loved to have sex with. Just my observation. Sister Sabeeqa, this life is a test for us to be rewarded in the life hereafter. Am I not good enough? Ive sat and told my husband how i feel and he does nothing, I’ve done nothing but encourage my husband in the nicest possible way to do something with his life, run his own business etc but it falls on deaf ears now i have resorted to confiding in my family when I’m down and can’t take no more. My boyfriend left me and I can’t stop blaming myself. . Masha Allah, Quite an informative and interactive forum. I have posed this question to hundreds of non-Muslims and all opted for the first. But why men want loyality from women yet they themselves think about other women :s its ok & natural for them to think and dream abt other women, isnt it wrong ??? my dear kar, After all we will be questioned for our actions not what others did or did not do. HIM. Marriage and everything within marriage is with mutual agreement!! I will not stand for it! Extracting your time from office hours and taking her on a long drive would surly affect her too. Ok….we need to understand that the author is just telling it like it is…..men do think about other women…just as women do other men….it doesnt mean either will act on it. By Abu Ibrahim Ismail Salamu’alaikum wa rahmatuLlahi wa barakatuh. I am a good husband and stepfather to her son. Do you know his family and friends? I’m not saying you should share your husband but if men want to take other wives then they can and we cannot put conditions on them that Allaah did not. Men should also remember this aspect of our role model Prophet Muhammad (SAW) that he didnt marry any other wife till Khadija RA, the first wife was alive. Not pretty enough. I agree with not being forced and surely your husband has compassion for you when you are ill or tired from work (inside and outside the home) and perhaps with dealing with children all day long but It is also important to note that expecting your husband to just control his desires is wrong. Take good care of your body and fitness. 713 3 3 gold badges 7 7 silver badges 14 14 bronze badges. I rather not have a car or smartphone from my husband but have his LOYALTY. If a man feels he does not have the time and resources to raise children Islamically, then it is a good thing to limit children he has. I prayed a lot the day before and asked Allah to help me. Soory for my bad english, Leave the tocic relation ASAP ...he is a Faasiq Allah vl hrlp uu. I’ve read this article & I feel this article is like imposing things on women. Middle East was put in place to give a bad name to Muslim countries. that is part of a man’s nature, whether he is Muslim or not. Fourth, never EVER speak about what happened between you to anyone else. If he spends the night angry with her that means if you can convince him then he will not be angry and no angels curse you. Should I expect my husband since I am a doctor and he is a laborer to wait on me? If both the partners realize that & aim to make their marriage successful with love, respect & loyalty they wouldn’t need to throw back and forth the Hadiths and Quranic verses just to be one up on the other. Sarah maxwell, May 20, 2017 7:03 AM I know what your going through. Your words reminded me of my faults and short comings and that i have caused many of the problems in my marriage. I encourage you to do everything in your power to save your marriage.
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